Psychology | How to deal with Anger – CBT Kenya

Are you angry? What does your anger feel like? Are you in control of it, or do you allow it to control you? Anger is a natural, though sometimes unwanted or irrational emotion that everybody experiences from time to time. One in three people say that they have a close friend or family member who has anger problems. Feeling angry often and to an extreme degree can impact relationships, a person’s psychological well-being and quality of life. Suppressing and storing up anger can also have a damaging and lasting impact. Learning to control anger can limit the emotional damage.

Why do people get angry?

For many, especially those who didn’t have positive role models for anger management while growing up, dealing with anger can be confusing. It’s hard to know what to do with such a powerful and potentially destructive emotion.

• To harm oneself. Being depressed often results in anger directed at oneself for feeling and being powerless, and represents a wish for self-destruction.
• To achieve control. Whether arising from paralyzing fear or merely irritation that things are going differently than we want, anger is often used to intimidate in order to manipulate
• To feel powerful. If we feel small, getting others to feel smaller makes us feel in comparison big.
• To fight injustice. Righteous indignation coming from a person’s moral center, outrage at an inequity being committed against oneself or others.

Ways to deal with anger

First up, anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion. It can actually help you to be honest or to stand up for something you believe in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling angry. What matters is how you cope with and express your anger.

• Exercise is an awesome way to let off steam. You could take a walk around the block, go for a run, or do something really high-energy like boxing.
• Talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling can take a weight off your shoulders as well as your mind. That could be a trusted adult, friend or family member. If your anger is getting out of control, consider seeing a mental health professional.
• If you know what helps you to relax, you’ll find it really useful whenever you’re feeling angry. Take some time out to do something you enjoy, whether that’s walking in the park, reading a book or listening to music.
• When you feel angry about something, it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a productive or helpful way. If you feel yourself losing your cool, just walk away from the situation for a while. You’ll deal with it better when everyone, yourself included, is feeling calmer.
• Manage your mood before a provocation, often called the “pre-anger state.” Getting regular, healthy sleep is an important part of managing anger. Being tired makes negative experiences feel worse than they would otherwise.
• Sometimes, the angering interpretation is correct, and you get angry. When you are angry, you become physiologically aroused. Respond by taking long, slow, deep breaths, using the diaphragm rather than the just the chest. Deep breathing is one of the best ways to relax when in a tense moment.

Word from CBT Kenya

Anger is viewed negatively; people talk about anger as though we should never feel it and we should certainly never act on it. But neither of those is true. Dealing with anger is much easier when you know what you’re really angry about. Once you are more aware of your sources of anger, you can take steps to deal with it. It is OK to act on anger. But be polite; assertive rather than aggressive; and calm when you do.

At CBT Kenya, we have friendly yet professional psychologists who are ready to have a talk with you. We encourage you to find out more about our services. We welcome any questions. Any questions related to psychotherapy, counselling, and psychology services are welcomed. Our purpose is to help you to achieve your therapeutic and life goals, to improve the quality of your life and to help you to build strong relationships in your life. Get in touch or book an appointment on +254 739 935 333, +254 756 454 585 or info@cbtkenya.org